Last Thanksgiving, Kathryn was upset I was cleaning the garage instead of loading the turkey in the oven. Frustrated, she said, “Where were you?? The turkey needed to go in the oven. I did it myself.”

I responded with STAT:  “Oh, you’re right. That must be frustrating for you, Baby Cakes.”  I paused, let her frustration deflate for a moment, and then picked her up and said, “If you wanted to see my muscles in action, you just had to say so.” I smiled, squeezed her biceps, and said, “We are a hot couple.”

Then, in a disappointed, gentle tone, I said, “Lucky turkey.” 

When you master this, you will future-pace everything with negative tension. While you’re busy defending yourself, proving you’re awesome for cleaning the garage, or busy apologizing for something you don’t need to be sorry for, I validated Kathryn’s emotions, reminded her that holidays are more fun with humor than frustration, reminded her that we are a Superpower Couple and flirted—

Without puking any of that.  You will use STAT for the rest of your life, but it won’t always be over tough issues.

Your wife just wants to feel safe enough to express her emotions. When she does, you will deepen your connection more each day.

I cannot express how much gratitude and respect I have earned from Kathryn since creating STAT. 

“And I love the connecting, too.”